Raising teenagers is a real confidence challenge

During childhood it was good, but today I realized that the little scolding, the words he heard from me, the phrases he said as a game, had a good impression on his brain.

All those memories make me think that I acted lightly. Never imagine what he was educating, what he was forging, what he was creating. Today is different, very different, I wish it were not like that, but it is. He doesn’t respect me and I feel like he’s just looking for a way to hit me hard. Whatever my comment, he returns it to me with a well-armed counter-offensive. Whatever my act, it results in strong aggression against him. I look into his eyes, I feel it when he passes by, I see it by always looking at his back, does he hate me so much? Why change, when? I didn’t even realize it. He gave me great pleasure when I found the answer to something that I asked myself, I said to myself, is there a way to change everything? Actually, I can handle this one, my giant. I was very surprised when I saw the possibility that it did.

Sure, of course, you can. The adolescent, in those moments, thinks he is the biggest in the food chain, and why not? His youthful beauty, his reborn new body, his dawn energy, his verve, is of the greatest of earthly goods for men. But you know that gray hair also has its shine, in its own way. Look, the adolescent thinks that he should be treated as an adult, “of course”, as he is already so old that he shaves and leaves the carts, nope. The male adolescent has a long way to go, watch out, mature because that word does not mean the same as self-determination. He does not know anything about anything, although I acted sure of his reasoning, so you must be patient with him because his attitudes are childish, childish. What is there to do? This.

First, keep in mind that progress is little by little, you do not want me to ask you to go out on a picnic for the next day. He wants to be an adult, to be treated like one, OK. So let’s put adult responsibilities on him, but put them on. For example, the boy wants you to lend him the car to go with his girlfriend or to go out with his friends, you get tense, he barely knows how to drive. Propose the following. OK, okay, you feel like it-act vigorous, at his height, at his vibration level, teenagers don’t like to see their father look weak, act with energy-take the keys, go-trust him, that will increase the yours-but first, go to the repair shop on the avenue to buy two liters of oil.

He and his cousin, or his companion, are going to get excited, they will go of course, because they will have something to show off, they will tell their girls later -or yes, I’m late, I went to the avenue to buy oil- it will be very fun. He will arrive later, safe and sound, well perhaps with zest, a feast, perhaps, but, surprise, the first one he will go to see is you, directly to you, he will tell you about his exploits on his first trip by car alone. A hug may be too much to ask, but it can be grilling. A sigh of relief. One moment. For today it was all, you can scold him for the zest.

He will tell you that you are always there, even when you are not, you are there in the background, you are the light at the end of the tunnel. And if he does not do it on his own, you will help him to do it, if he has to work, you will take care of the car, you will have it at your disposition, you will find the oil, you will do it. You will be happy. In short, you will not need to say anything, he will have understood that he is expected to act like an adult, he will have learned that there are things that are his responsibility and others that are yours, and you will have a smile on your face. He will be proud of himself, and then you will kiss him.

He will be surprised, and you will be able to take advantage of the surprise by putting a little pressure on him, but not too much. You will tell him that you are proud of him, that it was great to see him so mature, that it was fun, that it was important for him to be able to drive alone, but that you are also happy to see him, you are happy to see that he has made progress and that he did well. A hug. A kiss. A smile. And then a sigh. It will be enough. You will not need to say anything, he will know that you are satisfied with him and that he should be because he has behaved like a responsible adult.

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