“What are the rules?” This past weekend, I was asked to speak at a conference for high school students. This was my first time speaking publicly about this topic, and I was very nervous. The session was scheduled in the afternoon so we could all attend the afternoon keynote by Dr. Laura Berman, but I also wanted to spend time with the students.
When you think about it, it’s a lot like a teenage girl in a really cool rock band. I know a lot of the teenage girls in the cool rock bands. I want to make a really cool rock band with them.
Social media, as an important part of the internet, has become a place where teenagers can interact with one another and share their thoughts. This includes writing their opinions on social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter, or Tumblr. The following are just some examples of what teens say about themselves and others on these websites: “I am a teenage girl.” “I have a crush on a boy.” “I hate my parents.
Tyrant, rebel, brawler, when did my son become that beast? It is the stage, you told yourself, it will soon pass, or surprise! The stage did not end, in fact, it will not end if not until it matures, that is, after 19 at least. I don’t know what to do with him, when something gets into his head, he does it even if he takes my authority away. This has nothing to do with what you dream of happily raising a child. In fact, the fights are on the rise, the respect for me is on the decline. I do not understand, why is it like that. Why doesn’t he understand that it’s not that I want to be bothering him? That what I really want is to guide him and give my best for him. These are the answers.
From a young age, children learn how to act from what they see, like reaction copying machines. So their instincts become wilder if since they were children they saw wild reactions in you. If you shouted quickly at any complication, if you exploded into arguments instead of calming down and facing the problem calmly and with a cool head, everything was scheduled in his brain, although neither you nor he realized it.
Now, this is how the mind of a teenager works. His ideas are so childish that they don’t even understand them, the danger here is that his security and strength is so enormous that at any sign of being disturbed, he explodes unscrewing all the exhaust outlets. What you have to do against that is to change the total focus of your vision of yourself and the world. Adolescents are locked in, totally focused on their goals, which can almost always be the computer in their room, the square in the street, the Saturday party, their girlfriend. What you have to do is take it out of that and bring it closer to you little by little, this requires effort, continuous work, and a lot of patience, but of course, it can be done.
The first step is to attract him to you, do not try to do it by force, because that would mean abruptly changing the bed of a river in times of rain, let him do it himself. He will do it and then he will begin the great journey back.
You have the authority of the house in which he lives, but the best thing to do in these cases is to dress the authority with understanding. Promise him something that makes him enjoy more than he does, but that what you promise has a price. For that price that you are going to set, take into account that he spends time with you, that it takes effort, that in a way it attracts him and most of all, that he inadvertently robs his activities of the time.
Example: You know that he will have a party next Saturday, now, without him telling you, you talk to him and tell him that you will buy him a new shirt if on Thursday he helps you wash the cars, or he helps you with your housework or help you with fix the old car, some work that is the work of two, this will rob him of time to go out that day at night and he will love you. Of course, he will accept because with his friends he can go out on other days, but for a new shirt for the Saturday party, of course, he suits her.
Another example: The boy does not leave the computer all day, talk to him and tell him, – son, I want to talk about something that I assure you interests you.- A! This turns as a reflection when hearing the word you are interested in, propose him-son, you would like a better screen-, or you can also tell him, better speakers, or a new seat, or whatever else you know that interests him- ¿¿ right? – his eyes will light up. Tell him that you are willing to buy it, but that to get that extra money you would like him to come and help you to the workshop, or to help you clean the air washed from the Azotea, or to go to cut the grass of some land. 1000% sure he will accept. As before, he tries to make it at the time when he normally goes out, this will steal time from him and he will get closer to you. He will accept without conditions.
This works, but of course, the intention is not to be buying his coexistence, the true intention is to open opportunities for father to son talks, laugh, gossip with anecdotes with him, tell him about your day, and that he tells you about yours. Thus, with good communication, which is the welcome door of trust, the great return of that son will begin. And that, of course, is worth much more than a few well-intentioned bills.
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